Sunday Funday?

He Pukes

Lomilomi

Tom Weir Likes to Party

Here are some fresh remixes from Tom Weir that I encourage all of you to download. I like young tweezy's newest track "It's All GGOOLLDD" which has some great synth work. Also, we've added an interesting new remix of "Open Your Eyes" by Shout Night that may interest anyone that likes a MGMT or New Villager sound. I haven't heard the original but enjoy this version a lot. Stay tuned for the new "Skeleton Boy (Tom Weir Remix Feat. SMASHER)" by Friendly Fires.

It's All GGOOLLDD - Thomas Weir
Open Your Eyes (Thomas Weir Remix) - Shout Night

Only in America

Baumeranian

RIP Power SURGE

Back when BTW was only a glimmer in Smasher's eye and an archive of questionably entertaining iChats, four friends gathered to celebrate an empty house and the near death of one of their own (Meghangolian herself had been stranded roadside due to a snowy car accident and had only barely escaped the cannibalistic tendencies of the locals). It was there I reconnected with the dirty bass line and the dirty dirty man himself, Power SURGE. The weekend was a success. I left hungover, bruised, and yet hopeful for the future of my friendship with SURGE. 

However, it is with a heavy heart, that today BTW takes a moment to step back from the daily lambaste of Baum to announce that the beloved Power SURGE has left us all for a better place. OH the humanity! Will I really never hear him sing "Mandy" ever again? His premature (wait for it...) departure leaves us saddened, though it is a comfort to know he is now dancing with ponies and Hello Kitty dolls like he has always wanted to. He leaves behind a large fan base of adoring 13 year old girls, a song book to rival that of Barry Manilow, and  a cache of semi-precious stones. 

In lieu of flowers, please send illegal substances to Smasher. 

Oh SURGE, we barely knew ye. 

Wait, hold on. I hear the conch shell blowing. Something is amiss.

*********

My apologies, it appears that Power SURGE is not in fact dead, but the "better place" is instead a place in China I have never heard of. WTF, SURGE? I just wasted this whole time writing about you when I could have been making up witty turns of phrase about Baum?! This is worst than the time I had to listen to Baum discuss the intricacies of Argentinian wine for a whole night. SURGE, I am disappointed. The phrase "going away party" is misleading. May you be trampled by a herd of oxen, I hear they are all the rage this year. 

So, in conclusion, just as Marco Polo did 788 years ago, SURGE has ventured to the Far East to seek his fortune and hopefully a tiny non-English speaking bride. And while he will still have to wait to frolic with the ponies, at least for now he'll have Hello Kitty. 

Baum Loves the Earth

Here's some insight as to how Baum spends his free time. He apparently reads some shitty online post by some eco-friendly hemp-sucker we will call Enviroboy* titled, Is ‘Planet Earth’ The Key To Our Eco Failure? Summary: some guy thinks that the reason environmental tragedies and issues aren’t addressed is because environmentalists use eco-terms like ‘earth’ and ‘planet earth’ instead of the words ‘globe’ or ‘world.’ He claims that the former are too ‘Sci-Fi’ for everyone to understand. In Baum’s responses he gets this entire mechanism totally backwards and some Smarter Than Baum Guy* bends him over his hybrid. I hope someone kicks Baum in his earths.

Baum’s responses are (bolded) and my annotated interpretation {red} of his nonsense:

This is SUCH a good call. Great insight. {You’re SO easy to make fun of.} It seems as though the “environmentalists” {Those dirty environmentalists… I like where you’re going with this Baum} have gotten it all wrong in how they “brand” our evolving climate - is there anything more idiotic than calling the effect of greenhouse gasses “Global Warming”??? {What the fuck is he talking about? One question mark will suffice you dick. Jesus Baum, let’s not get crazy here. I can think of all kinds of dumber shit to call it… and isn’t this an argument that refutes the original guy’s argument stating that those dirty “environmentalists” don’t use the terms “world” or “globe”? Planet earth warming would sound way more idiotic I think.}

“Climate Change” is a little better, but it still doesn’t illustrate the severity of this “change.” What it really is, is a “Meteorological Shift” or a “Climate Restructuring.” {Now Baum is talking about Meteors and shit… WHO’S SCI-FI NOW MOTHA FUCKA! I’ll RESTRUCTURE YOUR FUCKING FACE. CLIMATE DEATH BITCH} Now, I’m not saying that I have the answer to the new “Climate Brand Name,” { --Insert: CLIMATE DEATH BITCH-- } but something needs to be done to change perceptions. { Like you stop blowing everybody and people will stop thinking that you like dudes? } What’s wrong as you pointed out, one of the easiest, most effective ways to do so may be to punctuate the idea in a “global” way.

Speaking of which, I think there’s something to be added to your notion of “earth/planet” and “world.” We, as humans, believe the “planet” is “ours”; the “world,” however, is beyond our influence. It’s “our” planet, but it’s “the” world. “Earth” is our home, while the “world” is where we live. Basically, if it’s happening on the “earth,” we’ll figure out a way to fix it, but if it happens to the “world,” well, there we may be in {balls} deep… {on a diseased male hooker... What the fuck are you talking about? Wrong. Pretty sure that’s the opposite of what the guy was getting at but I may be wrong since I didn’t really read it or give a fuck.
- Alex Baum
March 10th, 2009 at 11:25 am

A lot in this article… first thing that comes to mind is the manner in which language can IN AN INSTANT either distance or connect people… {Obviously Baum isn’t connecting too much and if he is, there are definitely some crossed wires here} critically important words can either kill or evolve (people in) a conversation. {See that. He wants to kill Baum}

Alex, I beg to differ { That’s right Baum. I can feel the pain coming} that ‘world’ is beyond our influence by proposing that our worlds are completely and totally influenced by us. Our actions, thoughts, needs, desires etc are within our control, that is in fact what’s so beautiful about ‘world’ - we do have control {Not over Baum he’s the spaghetti bandit}. Whether it be consciously, subconsciously or unconsciously, we either…. connect with people of similar worlds and relate to our common experiences…. enquire into the worlds of others with a level of curiosity that causes a deepening of the relationship to develop a common world…. {No idea what any of this means but I see the words: unconsciously, curiosity, and deepening. I would probably put these together in way more inappropriate fashion} OR reject the world of another as foreign, weird, different and separate to our own.

The planet on the other hand is a thing that is separate to us, therefore when we speak of it it’s easily distanced and gives the perception that making any changes is beyond our control. That’s why politicians who promise to make it any different give the impression of being greater than us, therefore more powerful and worthy of our vote. {BOOM BITCH. FUCKER JUST OWNED YOU BAUM.}

Lastly this thought came to mind… what if the only change in climate that’s required is whether or not we wake up to the worlds being carved out with language? {umm yeah… whatever. You rule because you just made Baum your little schoolboy bitch}

Phew, thanks Enviroboy*… just typing this comment has been an exercise to capture a snippet of my world!
- Smarter than Baum Guy*
March 12th, 2009 at 2:08 am

Smarter Than Baum Guy*, my point is more about the fact that “planet” and “earth” are tangible, while “the world” is something abstract. {WRONG, OPPOSITE. THINK SCI-FI BRO} In other words, we believe that something related to the “planet/earth” is ultimately under our control (when we want to exact change, we can do it); however, the “world,” since it’s more of an abstract concept, is not as easily manageable. { That’s right baum, Magellan sailed around the earth with his Starfleet. Manage that you fuck.}

Consequently, by shaping the discussion around our planet/earth, we gain a reassurance that we can reset the clock whenever we choose. {Baum is now talking about Time Travel. He is crazy} In fact, I think your point about “the world” (how you describe it as “our actions, thoughts, needs, desires etc.”) is a great way to highlight the terms abstractness. Perhaps (and this is a big leap) {Very fucking big indeed} you could make the analogy: the planet/earth is to our conscious and the world is to our unconscious. {No comment. Too fucking ridiculous to try, I am laughing way too hard}

Anyway, this is a great piece and I love the discussion/thinking it sparked {You only sparked the following in this order: confusion, fear, fear leads to anger leads to hate, hate leads to the dark side, pant-shitting-laughter}
-Alex Baum March 12th, 2009 at 12:07 pm

Alex, got your point…. YES, it is a great piece to provoke thinking, and a much required enquiry into language being used. {That was a nice way of him saying that he owned your ass. I'M ON A BOAT}
-Smarter than Baum guy
March 13th, 2009 at 3:48 am

I'm on a boat

McRib

For the BBQ sauce drenched boneless pork patty sandwich known only as the McRib.

McRib
McRib Locator

AIM IM with HAWK 12:36 PM

HAWK: dude, mcrib from subway
SMASHER: what?
HAWK: so good
HAWK: bbq rib sandwich
SMASHER: they have that
HAWK: yes. Its amazing
SMASHER: that sounds kind of gross man
HAWK: you just have to spit out the teeth and hooves
HAWK: but its so good
SMASHER: i have never seen that at subway
HAWK: i got it IN the subway, off the tracks
SMASHER: hahaha
SMASHER: oh at a Mc-Kenna, did you start eating it in the subway
SMASHER: mixed in with hobo armpit smell and dirty street urchin piss
SMASHER: i need to get lunch, i'm fucking hungry

-- ONE HOUR LATER --

AIM IM with HAWK 1:23 PM

HAWK: "Me: dude flase alarm that sandwich is disgusting way too much tooth and little sinewey balls of fat i feel so gross and its in my teeth.”
HAWK: "PLEEPLIUS*: the subway mcrib? Me: so gross abort i might go pull the trigger PLEEPLIUS*: oh man.”
HAWK: dude i am sweating this thing out. it is so bad
HAWK: i just shat out some of that nasty ass sandwich and it was not pleasant, however
SMASHER: that is disgusting
SMASHER: can you listen to fantasy metal at work
HAWK: i will put it on surround sound
SMASHER: dude, it's so awesome. check out the video
HAWK: on btw?
SMASHER: yeah
HAWK: ok
SMASHER: the fucking keyboard guy is even flipping around with his gay hair
SMASHER: I can't believe you actually like the mcrib
HAWK: which
SMASHER: I don't even know if I would get that shit if I was stoned out of my mind.
HAWK: mcribs are awesome
SMASHER: jesus
HAWK: but this one from subway is a total disaster
SMASHER: I had cosi
SMASHER: i feel like a fairy
HAWK: homo
SMASHER: I know right. you walk in, there are just housewives and starbucks sniffing dicksuckers, with their trendy glasses
SMASHER: No McDonalds in the region sells the McRib though
HAWK: gotta go to utah
SMASHER: UTAH GIMME TWO!!!
HAWK: what in the hell is that guy throwing up?
HAWK: is that real?
SMASHER: probably a McRib
HAWK: jesus
HAWK: you know that after you watch that puke thing there is a thumbnail for a clip of the "smallest penis contest on howard stern," right?
SMASHER: what
SMASHER: no
HAWK: indeed
SMASHER: oh fuck that is gross
SMASHER: it fucking shows it too
HAWK: yeah
SMASHER: jesus christ
HAWK: i didnt click it
SMASHER: that poor sack of shit
HAWK: but you can see
HAWK: yeah what a fag
SMASHER: i have fucked chicks with bigger vaginas than that
HAWK: hahaha BARNDOORPUSSYGIRL*
SMASHER: i may have to take that down it's so disturbing
SMASHER: HAHAH
SMASHER: dude whatever she's nice
HAWK: is it bad that for the last hour at least of work every day i just sit in front of my computer laughing?
HAWK: and there are inverted penises on the screen.....
SMASHER: THIS IS AMERICA

Alex Baum is the aboriginal girl from the film a-baum-ination Australia

I’m Alex Baum. I use my scarf to spread on tables and to taunt angry bulls.

So I was minding my sweet business, using chainsaws, supporting America and combing my beard when my brother Grundle-Snifter (who is a fruit cake himself) returned from town with the Digital Video Disc Australia. This film was gayer then Baum on Hanukkah. Literally my brother put the DVD in and 7 guys came out of the TV and just started blowing each other right there in the living room. Naturally, I made popcorn.

Before I go any further, I want to make one salient and forceful point: Australia was the worst movie I have ever seen in my entire life, ever. And, that’s coming from someone who thinks that Ghost Rider starring Nicholas Cage was robbed of the Oscar for Best Movie Ever Made. This movie was awful. It is even worse than Bangkok Dangerous. Everything about it is atrocious. I could have taken a dump on an x-ray of my shattered spine and it would have created a more convincing movie than this. Terrible.

Come here cows, I want to sing you a lullaby.

Anyway, on to the real reason this movie even merits my scathing condemnation. After I got over the initial shock of what can only be described as a vigorous eye raping, I realized that none other then Alex Baum, king of heinousville, was in the movie. Baum plays the role of an Aboriginal girl with Down’s Syndrome. It wasn’t difficult for him to play this part as it mostly just required playing the violin to stop cattle, wearing a tablecloth around your neck and enjoying a nice dick salad around various arid vistas. All of a sudden the whole movie made sense. Baum was using the film as a vessel to finally tell the world that he is a 9 year old horny aboriginal girl on the inside. Soon he is going to start ordering dick pizza from 236-2616 and playing the conveniently phallic didgeridoo.

Im going to fuck you till you love me.

Baum’s performance is nothing short of staggering. Its impossible to understand anything he says as it is all disguised under his a horrible speech impediment. The film also portrays Baum’s affinity for large cattle and his ability to lullaby them to sleep before milking their prostate and making guacamolito sauce out of the ejaculates. Congratulations,
Grade: F

Dragonforce

Check out the keyboardist airing it out

Because Break.com Removed the 'I Love You Man' boat race scene

Nationalized Banks

The New F***ing Citibank - watch more funny videos

Bud Light Commercial